


When You Love Someone

by hadfoot



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, F/M, Lost Love, Moving On, So much angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-09
Updated: 2017-12-09
Packaged: 2019-02-12 12:55:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12959673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hadfoot/pseuds/hadfoot
Summary: He's the reason they're dead, of course he is. He betrayed them. It's all his fault. Isn't it?





	1. Open Wounds

It was only the third of November, and yet snow covered the ground and everything in sight. It was freezing, and the sun was no where to be seen, which you believed to be more than appropriate for the day’s events. You were glad that the weather was so poor. Not only did it reflect your mood, but it reflected everything that had taken place over the last four days. 

How could this have happened? How could _he_?

You couldn’t even bring yourself to say his name. 

You wanted to believe that _he_ was innocent, more than anything. But Lily and James were dead, and little Harry was an orphan. Peter was gone. You and Remus were the only two left. Your family had been destroyed, and for what? _He_ would spend the rest of his days rotting away in a cell, and you would carry on with a broken heart. _If_ , you could even carry on, that is.

How were you supposed to get through life having lost over half of the most important people in it? 

Three of your closest friends, who would never grow old by your side. You would never get to watch their hair turn gray and their smiles grow brighter with every passing year. You wouldn’t even get to see them turn twenty-two. 

Your godson - being raised by those horrendous muggles. Would you ever get to hold him again? Tell him the stories of his parents, and how much trouble you lot used to get into back in the day? 

And the love of your life…

No. That term no longer applied. You couldn’t bring yourself to give him that title, even though you could feel your heart swell at the thought of his storm gray eyes and kind smile.

He didn’t deserve it. He deserved for you to hate him. 

But, you couldn’t. Even as you stood at the edge of your friend’s graves, the fresh dirt already nearly covered with snow, you couldn’t bring yourself to hate him - making you hate yourself in turn. 

 _He couldn’t have done this. There’s no way he could have done this. He would never betray them. He loved them._  

You crumpled, a torturous scream leaving your throat as you fell to the ground, although you couldn’t hear it. You couldn’t hear anything. 

A strong pair of arms wrapped around you, pulling you back into a warm chest. You fought, thrashing in the individual’s embrace, even though you knew who it was immediately. You had spent the last four days latched onto this person, their own hands grasping your sides as you both struggled to catch your breath in-between sobs. 

Remus had never heard a more agonizing sound in his life, your scream causing his own heart to break even further. He didn’t think it was possible. 

He clutched your wrists and pulled them back towards your body, throwing his legs overtop of your own as you continued to flail in his arms. He brought his lips down to your ear, begging and pleading for you to sit still; to just let him hold you. 

The pain in your chest was far too great, and you felt as if you were suffocating. Your vision was blurry, and you felt a darkness begin to consume your mind.

_He didn’t do it, he didn’t do it…_

* * *

Over twelve years had passed.

They had been some of the longest, hardest years of your life. But no doubt had they also been the best.

You had grown rather close with Remus after the funeral, deciding to move in together when you could no longer stand to stay in the flat you once shared with _him_. You had been staying at his place long before you had made the official decision, though. He didn’t mind. He liked having the company, and he liked knowing that you were safe. Remus doubted that he would be able to handle it if anything ever happened to you. He couldn’t lose you too. 

It didn’t take long for feelings to develop. Laying in bed next to you each and every night, he soon began to create scenarios in his mind where he could pull you against him and cradle your body as he slept. Little did he know, you dreamt of the same thing. And every morning, you somehow ended up tangled around each other, neither of you being able to tell where one’s limbs ended and the other’s began. All it took was an ounce of bravery on Remus’ part, and a chaste kiss to your lips for you to be hooked. 

You ended up getting married, on a beautiful autumn night three years after your worlds came tumbling down. The both of you were slowly putting the pieces back together, and your marriage had been the final bit needed to heal your hearts. Although they would never heal completely, you felt like you could finally catch your breath again - something you hadn’t felt in a long time. You finally had a family again -  family with the _love of your life_.

You welcomed your first child into the world two years after taking Remus’ last name; a little boy named Denver James. He looked exactly like Remus, but had your freckles littering his rosy cheeks, and your breathtaking smile. Not soon after that, and your little girl was born. Hayden Lily looked just like her mother, but had her father’s eyes, and snow white hair that neither of you could figure out how she acquired. You had the most beautiful children to ever grace the Earth. 

And much to Remus’ ease of mind, neither of them were troubled with his monthly affliction. He had been so scared that he would pass his Lycanthropy down to your children. It took months of reassurance before he was willing to try for children. Now, he couldn’t imagine a life without them. Remus was practically built to be a dad, as protective, loving, and caring as he was. 

Both of your children were truly the lights of your life.

Life was perfect. You couldn’t have wished for anything more. 

* * *

Sirius couldn’t believe how easy it had been to escape from his cell in Azkaban. He couldn’t believe that he hadn’t done it sooner, although he knew the true reason behind staying for so long. He felt as if he deserved to be there - as if it really was his fault. 

He shook the negative thoughts from his mind, focusing on his destination instead. 

You. 

It hadn’t been hard finding your address. All of this had been so surprisingly easy. He was in high spirits as he walked down the busy streets of London, having just seen Harry off at the Leaky Cauldron, having stowed himself away on the knight bus in order to make sure his godson was safe. 

He ducked into an empty alleyway, transforming back into his human form for the first time since his escape. Popping his neck, he leaned against the brick wall for a moment, preparing himself for what he was about to do. He couldn’t help but wonder if he was doing the right thing by going to see you. Sirius was sure that you wanted nothing to do with him. Would you even spare him a moment to hear him out? Or would you simply turn him back over to the dementors? 

Whatever the outcome, it didn’t matter. He just had to see you.

As he apparated into your driveway, he felt his stomach flip with nerves. It had been so long since he had last seen you. Would you still look the same? Maybe you cut your hair, and dyed it a different color. He hoped your smile was still the same, and not broken as he had imagined whenever he lay in his cell at night, unable to sleep. Broken, because of him.

Sirius was trying to gather the courage to make his way up to your door and knock, but before he could muster up that kind of bravery, a soft voice spoke up from behind him. 

A voice that he instantly recognized.

“Can I help you?” 


	2. Innocence

It was late, nearing eleven o’clock by the time you turned back onto your street. You had made the short walk to your neighbors around six to watch her kids for what she said would only be an hour. To say you were frustrated would be an understatement. Why they couldn’t just stay at yours, you had no idea. This was not how you pictured spending Remus’ last night at home before he was to report to Hogwarts, having landed a job as a professor. You felt even worse knowing that he was waiting up for you. At least he could sleep on the train.

You really hoped that Denver and Hayden were in bed, where they should be at this hour. Knowing them, though, they would put up a fight with their father over you not being there to tuck them in. You shook your head at the thought, finally reaching your driveway. However, you stopped dead in your tracks upon seeing someone standing in the middle of it. You furrowed your eyebrows. Who would come to visit so late?

“Can I help you?” you asked, taking a tentative step forward, your head slightly cocked to the side.

The person visibly tensed, and you took a moment to take notice of their long, disheveled hair and tall stature. You couldn’t make out any other distinguishing characteristics in the pale moonlight.

But once they turned, you stumbled backwards, sure your eyes were playing tricks on you.

Sirius Black. 

Without a moment of hesitation, you pulled out your wand, aiming it in his direction while regaining your footing. You could feel the lump rise in your throat at the sight of him after so long.

A borderline hurt expression crossed his face, but it was gone as quickly as it came. He took a step forward, to which you took another step back.

“Don’t you dare come any closer,” you threatened, your voice not as stern as you would have liked for it to be.

Sirius held his hands up in surrender, his mouth falling open slightly as he drank in your appearance. You looked exactly the same, as if you hadn’t aged at all. But there was something different. He could tell you were without a doubt wiser, but you held yourself with a fierce confidence Sirius didn’t recognize - a fire behind your eyes that had never been there before. 

Of course, twelve years can do a lot to a person. Sirius knew that better than anyone. 

He whispered your name, causing you to flinch. If he hadn’t been paying such close attention, the movement would have gone unnoticed. 

A million thoughts ran through your head. How did he escape? How did he find you? Was he here to finish what he had started all those years ago?

You wanted to yell out for Remus - to tell him to take the kids and get as far away from here as possible. But, you knew better. Remus would never leave you with _him_.

“Y/N/N, just let me explain…”

“Shut up. How dare you call me that?” you demanded, allowing your anger to propel you forward until you were almost directly in front of him. An inch or two closer, and your wand would be pressing against his chest. Two little words, and it could all be over. 

You wouldn’t let yourself stoop to his level, though. You weren’t a killer. 

Sirius shook his head, correcting himself by mumbling your given name. You were trying to come up with some sort of plan, anything to assure that your family was safe, and that you wouldn’t call attention outside. The last thing you needed was for Remus to walk out the front door. You were sure that would only anger Sirius, and put you and your family in even more danger. You couldn’t - 

“I didn’t do it.”

Your thoughts were interrupted by the man in front of you. You could feel the scowl settling over your face. How dare he try and lie to you?

“You killed them, Sirius. You killed Lily and James and Peter. They were your friends - James was your brother, and you betrayed them! And now what? You’re going to kill me to? And then go after Remus?”

Sirius violently shook his head, his bottom lip trembling slightly, although you didn’t take notice. “Y/N, I swear, I’m innocent.”

“Stop lying!”

With a flick of your wand, Sirius was lying on his back in your driveway. You stood overtop of him, a strong craving for revenge attempting to take over your body and mind. 

Don’t do it. Don’t become him.

Sirius threw his arms up to cover his face when he saw the fury in your eyes. In one breath, he tried one last time to make you understand. “I wasn’t their secret keeper! Peter was! He betrayed James and Lily, not me. I wanted to - no, I _still_ want to kill Peter. But I didn’t have the chance to. Y/N, you know I would never do that to James.”

“Why should I believe you? And if you didn’t kill Peter, where is he now then? Huh? Why hasn’t anyone seen him in twelve years?”

Sirius quickly reached for his pockets, rummaging around for a moment before pulling out a torn piece of newspaper. He held it up for you to take, and you quickly snatched it from his grasp, ignoring the way your fingers brushed against his.

“The Weasley’s?” you questioned, your eyebrows furrowing in confusion, “What does this have to do with anything?”

You hadn’t noticed Sirius stand as you examined the photograph, causing a brief moment of panic. He pointed to the rat Ron Weasley was holding, but you still didn’t understand what Sirius was getting at.

“All they could find of Peter was his-”

“Finger,” you finished, all of the breath leaving your body as you remembered meeting Ron’s pet rat the last time you had visited the Burrow. 

Everything fell into place, and you felt like you were about to pass out from the realization of it all. 

Sirius was innocent. He didn’t betray the Potters, and he didn’t kill Peter, or those twelve muggles.

Peter had been right under your nose all along, and you had been too blind to notice. 

“I think I’m going to be sick,” you groaned, letting the paper fall to the ground as you ran over to the grass.

Falling to your knees, you heaved, your head spinning. It was all too much.

Sirius was innocent. 

You had been right all along. 

You could feel his presence beside you, and without thinking, you threw your arms around his neck, pulling him to lay in the grass by your side as you began to cry. 

It was as if all of the old wounds had been reopened - as if you were feeling everything for the first time once more. 

“Oh Sirius, I’m so sorry,” you sobbed, shaking your head as he tried to quiet you. 

Tears were falling from his gray eyes as well. Finally, he had someone on his side. Someone who believed him. 

From the volume of your crying, you had missed the front door of your house opening. You didn’t notice the porch light flip on, and you were oblivious to someone running across the lawn until Sirius was being pulled off of you.

“Y/N, run!” 

Remus. 


	3. Revelations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic was also posted on tumblr, and it sadly didn't do so well there. This could be the end of this fic, in turn making it a mini series, or if you want, I could continue it, as I had ideas. Please, either leave a kudos or a comment so that I know how to move forward from here. There is also a bonus part that I will post at the end of this work, whenever that may be.

Remus had been looking out the window every few minutes since you had called to let him know you were finally on your way home. He was beginning to grow more and more worried as more time passed. It was only a few streets over, but so much could happen between the time it would take for you to return home from your neighbors. Of course, Remus was assuming the worst.

He was reading a story to Denver and Hayden as they lay sprawled out across the couch, waiting just as eagerly as he was for their mother to return. Neither of the kids would even move up to their rooms, insisting on waiting for you. Remus had tried everything to tire them out, but he was also thankful that he was getting to spend time with them before he would be separated from his family for a few weeks at the very least. Depending, it could even be until Christmas. 

Taking the position as the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts had been a tough decision. The most time he had spent away from his kids at a single time had only been four days around a particularly bad full moon - and even less time away from you in the nearly twelve years you had been together. The thought of not having you around before and after his transformations was really weighing on him. You had never missed a single one since you found out in fifth year about his affliction. You would even travel to the Lupin’s home with the other Marauders during breaks just to be there for him. Even before the two of you were dating, you were always there for Remus, and it meant more to him than he could ever begin to express. 

He had just finished reading book number three to the kids, and he was getting up to glance out the window once more. His heart stopped in his chest as he caught sight of you bent over in the wet grass, another figure standing close by. 

“Denver, take your sister upstairs and lock your bedroom door,” he said as calmly as he possibly could, trying not to sound too alarmed as to keep his kids from panicking. Denver listened without question, and Remus waited until the pair had disappeared before flinging the front door open.

Your sobs reached his ears the minute he was out the door, and he was consumed with rage and worry. He had never run so fast in his life, and he was next to you in a second, yanking your assailant from your body. 

“Y/N, run!” he screamed, regretting the fact that he had run outside without his wand. 

He did the only other thing he could think to do. He started throwing punches. He felt his knuckles connect with the other man’s jaw, and the attacker instantly fell to the ground from shock. Remus fell on top of him, drawing his fist back once more, but before he had the chance to bring it down, you were gripping onto his bicep.

“Remus, _stop_!” you sobbed, pulling on your husband.

He turned to face you, his fist still aimed to land another blow. He didn’t understand why you were crying for him to stop, until he heard his name being muttered from underneath him. 

He could recognize that voice anywhere, and his blood ran cold at the sound.

Remus looked back down, squinting in the darkness in order to validate his belief by placing a face to the voice. 

_It can’t be…there’s no way._

Not a moment later, he was up and placing himself in front of you, shielding you from Sirius as he backed the both of you away. 

This was impossible; there was no way this was happening. No one had ever escaped from Azkaban before. It just simply couldn’t be true. Remus was sure he was hallucinating, or having some terrible nightmare. But no matter how many times he blinked, Sirius still laid on the ground just ten feet away and your hands stayed clutching tightly at his shirt. 

“Remus,” Sirius pleaded as he began to sit up, causing Remus to push you both back another two feet, “friend, just hear me out.”

“Don’t call me your friend,” Remus spat. 

He heard you whisper his name, to which he ignored, not tearing his eyes away from the traitor in front of him. A pained expression crossed Sirius’ face, and Remus felt proud for a split second at being the cause of the other man’s sadness. He deserved it. He deserved _much_ worse.

Remus had his arms behind him, holding you to his back. He could feel your wand in your back pocket, which he easily slipped without you noticing. He swallowed hard, bracing himself for what he knew he would have to do to protect you and your children. He would do _anything_ to protect his family. 

“Remus,” Sirius began again, “Please…just spare me a moment to explain.”

“There’s nothing to explain,” he responded, revealing your wand from behind your backs and aiming it towards Sirius, “You betrayed them. You betrayed _all_ of us.”

He flung his arm above his head, letting his fury fuel his movement as the unforgivable two word curse hung on the tip of his tongue. 

“Remus!” you screamed, jumping in front of him before he could let his arm fall back. Your husband’s eyes widened, the first thought running through his mind being what could’ve happened if he hadn’t had stopped in time, his earlier objective completely forgotten for a moment. He was just about to yell at you for being so reckless when you interrupted.

“He’s innocent.”

Remus was shocked to hear you say such a thing. He hadn’t heard you say those two words since the day of James’ and Lily’s funeral. “And did he tell you that? Y/N, you can’t honestly believe him!”

“It’s true! It was all Peter - he’s the one who betrayed them!”

“Peter is _dead_ , Y/N.”

“That’s not true. Remus, we have it all wrong.”

You instantly jumped into the explanation, trying your hardest to make him understand. Sirius sat quietly on the ground as he watched the both of you. He couldn’t see your face, but he could see Remus’, and he couldn’t help but take notice of the way he was looking at you. Even as you bickered, there was just a certain spark in Remus’ eye when he was staring into yours. Sirius recognized it, cause, well, you brought the same twinkle to his own eyes. Was there something going on between the two of you?

He didn’t have much time to think on it, as Remus’ eyes moved from yours to his. 

Remus was considering what to believe. He didn’t want to doubt you, but he also didn’t want to trust a theory with such little evidence. Although, the picture did look like it could be Wormtail, and the missing toe was a convincing factor…

He still didn’t like it. “I don’t want him around until we look further into it.”

You nodded in understanding, placing both of your hands on Remus’ chest as his gaze moved back to meet yours. Sirius felt a pang of jealousy in the pit of his stomach.

A sigh left Remus’ lips as he finally allowed himself to relax just the tiniest bit. “I’ll have a word with Dumbledore first thing when I get there.”

You nodded again, and with that, he turned to Sirius once more. He bit the inside of his cheek as he thought about whether or not what he was about to propose was a good idea or not. 

“Like I said, I don’t want you staying until we get this sorted. But… _Padfoot_ can sleep on the porch for the night. But, you have to be gone by sunrise until further notice, understand?”

A mischievous smirk crossed Sirius’ face, and a second later, Padfoot sat in place of the notorious Black. He answered Remus with a quiet bark, earning himself a chuckle from the both of you.

Sirius trotted behind you and Remus as you all three walked up the short driveway. Once illuminated by the light from the porch, your husband reached for your wrist, tugging your hand out of the pocket of your hoodie before intertwining your fingers. It was only then that Sirius noticed the gleaming wedding band on your left hand, and upon looking at Remus’, he found one on his hand as well. 

Padfoot let out a whine, but the way Remus was smiling at you had your full attention, although he had heard the noise leave the large black dog. He wasn’t going to lie and say that he, again, wasn’t a little proud, as awful as that was.

You squeezed Remus’ hand before turning to look down at Padfoot, “I’ll be back in a second with a blanket.”

He wagged his tail in acknowledgment as you disappeared into the house, leaving both men on the front porch. They stared at one another, completely silent, although it didn’t last very long.

“We’ve been together for eleven and a half years, married for almost nine. Nine this Halloween, actually…”

It had felt right, getting married on _that_ day regardless of what had happened only three years prior. Your marriage brought a new meaning to that day, and it made it all so much easier. Of course, you both still mourned, even twelve years after the fact. You would continue to grieve for the rest of your lives. But now, you also had reason to celebrate the day, and you were both positive it was what Lily and James would have wanted.

“We have two beautiful, amazing children. Our son Denver is turning seven in November. We always believed it to be ironic that you two share a birthday. And our daughter Hayden - she’s turning five in October.”

Remus paused for a moment, a brief chuckle falling from his lips. “They’re growing up so fast.”

Padfoot couldn’t help the second whine that escaped him at the ache in his chest. He didn’t know what he was expecting, really, but somehow, the fact that you had created a family with Remus hurt worse than anything he could have imagined. Maybe he was just being selfish and unrealistic, but his feelings for you had never faded, and he couldn’t control his emotions at the given time. 

The whimper, again, didn’t go unnoticed by Remus. “I love her, Sirius. Merlin, I love her so much. We just…we found each other when we needed one another the most. We found our happiness again, together.”

Sirius couldn’t argue with that, as much as it pained him to hear. But, that’s just what you do when you love someone so deeply - you sacrifice your own happiness for their own. No matter how much it hurts. 

You returned with a blanket and two bowls a moment later. One held water while the other contained what Sirius could instantly recognize as chunks of leftover steak. He didn’t want to seem desperate, but he hadn’t had _real_ food in twelve years. He couldn’t help himself from practically inhaling the entire contents of the dish in ten seconds.

When he turned back, Remus was leaning against the doorframe with you in his arms, your small hands covering his large ones as they rested on your sides. Padfoot gave a small wag of his tail, to which Remus gave a nod in return - a silent understanding. 

You were happy, and that’s all that Sirius could ever want.


End file.
